This blog post http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/ recently kept popping up on my Facebook news feed. Four of my friends shared it because they loved it and stated that all moms should read it. It's not just those four moms because, once posted, there were numerous numbers of "likes" and comments. I figured if that many moms are in love with this post then it is definitely worth the read.
I started reading the article and immediately wanted to like it. It was well written, seemed to be coming from a very honest mom and so many other women declared this a "must read" that I really, really wanted to like it, too. Sadly, I did not. The further I read, the more I found myself shaking my head. I can see why so many moms enjoyed this article. So many moms of healthy, happy babies. So many moms living in the false, bubble world of "no harm can come to my baby, that only happens to other people". Well, here's my post from an "other person".
This post is not going to be all doom and gloom, nor is it meant to read as holier than thou, so please bear with me as I attempt my version of scared straight, the parent edition.
When we become moms, we're scared. It's all new and now we're instantly responsible for a brand new teeny, tiny person. But, scared or not, the last thing we want is some other person's advice. Especially those dreaded elderly ladies in the department store telling you that your child is too hot, too cold, too big, too small, and cherish each moment. Sometimes that's just too much. I understand that a lot of these women are just being judgmental but there are some that approach you speaking words of wisdom. You can ignore the one who tells you that little girls should have long curly hair, not short and straight like your daughter's. You can also brush off the one telling you that you're a terrible mother because your son doesn't have a hat on, even after you've shown her the winter hat in your hand. The ones declaring "carpe diem" however, may be on to something.
I find "carpe diem", as used in this article, over dramatic. Nobody says go out and seize the day nor do I think that's what those women are trying to tell you. I think they're trying to tell you to go out and be thankful for your day because you are not guaranteed another. Enjoy your day and your time with your children. Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe these are words of experience and not just some bored lady meddling with you while you're busy running through the store? Did you ever stop to think that maybe this woman saw you blindly shopping, talking on your cell, wiping a nose, yelling to your child who's run too far ahead, all with an untied shoe, and thought, she's not living at all she's just going through the motions? If that little, old, meddling lady stopped you and asked if you knew your shoe was untied, or what you just put in your cart, or what your phone conversation was actually about, or, most importantly, what your youngest child just asked you, could you honestly answer her? If you couldn't, that's ok. That would be the point of this post. To make you realize that being too busy to enjoy being a mom is a terrible and very real thing nowadays. Finding your happiness in only a few moments a day, or only after your children are in bed, is truly sad.
When your child yells, sings off key, or interrupts you - it's ok to feel annoyed, but remember to be thankful they're capable of speaking.
When your child runs off ahead, wanders too far, or attempts the stairs - it's ok to get nervous or feel angry, but remember that many children aren't capable of walking.
When your child pulls your hair or breaks your glasses - it's ok to feel irritated, but remember that some children aren't even capable of acknowledging their own parents. They're too trapped in their own world to find their way into ours.
If you're only celebrating your child's life 2-3 moments a day then you are insulting their will to thrive. Think of all the hard work they've already put into their lives and not complained. Now think about your last 24 hours. How many times have you complained about not only your life, but theirs?
It's time to come out of your woe is me. my life as a mother is hard, rut and find the joy in the ordinary. Be thankful for simple, everyday things. A smile, a laugh, a pout, a hug. These things are simple gifts from a child to a parent. If you're too busy looking forward to your glass of wine and adult conversation after their bed time you'll miss them for sure.
There is no guarantee of tomorrow. Would you really want to wish you had done more? I plan on leaving no room for doubt. I'm going to live, love, laugh, and parent until my last breath. When I'm gone my house may still be a mess but my relationship with my children will be in perfect order.
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